10 Agonizing Reasons Why Depression Can Be So Unbearable



When I was 16, I was diagnosed with clinical depression. After the diagnosis, my uncle slapped me on the back and said, "Welcome to the  family kid," while my family all compared drugs around the kitchen table. I'm extremely lucky that my family not only accepted that depression is a real, serious issue, but they understood it. (I come from a long line of clinically depressed people.) They were mindful to make sure that my depression wasn't used as a crutch or an excuse, but thankfully, I never once heard the unhelpful "Just suck it up and deal with it," and for that, I will be eternally grateful.

Depression is different for everyone, but over the years I've noticed a few things that don't seem to waver. They hold fast in their level of suckiness and they seem to apply to most everyone I've talked to who's dealt with depression.

1. I'm not choosing to be depressed. This isn't a choice I'm making. My cat dying or my car being totaled aren't the reason I'm depressed. Those things are tipping points, they push me over an edge I was already standing at. Depression is a chemical imbalance. Yes, there are things I can do and medications I can take but at the end of the day this isn’t something I’d choose for anyone and certainly not myself.
2. Your brain is the enemy. For me, having depression is like walking around with a mean, petty, awful little friend in my brain all the time. It's constantly telling me how awful I am, how I'm not good enough and how nobody likes me. And just like the negative comments on a blog post, those thoughts stick. Trying to convince yourself that your brain is wrong is no easy feat.
3. Telling me to "suck it up" makes me stabby. Don't tell me to "suck it up." Don't tell me to watch a sunset or exercise or appreciate the joy that is being alive. That's about as effective as me telling you to go walk it off after you've broken your arm. It isn't going to fix anything. Depression isn't logical. You can't reason with it or apply coconut oil and suddenly be better.
4. Nobody can fix it. And that sucks. There are medications and there are things that I can do that will help mitigate my depression, but they won't fix it. There's nothing anyone can say or do that it is going to fix my brain. I wish more than anything that there was a magic cure-all that would tip the scales back to center for my brain, but there isn't. What works for one person might not work for another. What works for you might suddenly stop working. That's the thing about depression, it's an ever-evolving disease. Once you think you've got things under control, it'll contort and poke at a tender spot you didn’t even know existed.
5. It's going to suck for the person dealing with the depressed person, too. I've been on the other end of things and not being able to help someone I  love when they're in the middle of a depressive episode is awful. Just know that there's nothing anyone can say that a depressed person will believe or that will pull them back to surface where reason lies. This reality is very tough.
6. Relying on a pill sucks. I came to terms a long time ago that every night I'm going to have to take a little white pill. Having to rely on medication for anything is hard but relying on it to make you feel normal, whatever 'normal' is for you, is extra difficult.

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